Queens of NC-17
Welcome to the sleepover with those girls your parents warned you about. Crude, lewd, with major attitude, Ande and Eanna are here to talk the best and rarest of NC-17 and every gem in-between. Stay tuned. STAY NASTY. (WARNING: FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. UNDER 17 REQUIRES ADULT SUPERVISION.)
Queens of NC-17
Episode 384- Tamara
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WARNING: FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. UNDER 17 REQUIRES ADULT SUPERVISION.
This week is WITCHY again y'all! But this time, it's your typical 2000's trope of an ugly girl getting hot, and getting EVEN!!! Helllllll yeaaaaaah.
Instagram: @queensofnc17
Music: @tobaxxo
Well, well, well. Damn, that bitch pulled the mic from the other side of the room up to her mouth. Can you believe I forgot to pull it over here before I did all that? You know what? But if I hadn't said it, no one would ever know. And honestly. You could hear it. It looked pretty cool. Did it? I felt aggressive. It did. It felt it felt like very domineering. Thank you. It felt very assertive. Like if you were in here about to be questioned by me, you'd be literally. I confess. Whatever you think I did, I did it. Yes, officer. Absolutely. Approved. That's great. Thank you. Um, Andy and I are wearing the same glasses tonight. Yeah, we've had these for years and never noticed we have the exact same fucking glasses that we bought at the exact same fucking store. Who's shocked? Only us. Only us. I love that we have been doing this obsessively for over 15 years now. Not the podcast, but just like spending a lot of time together and we're still tickled. Every time we're like, oh my God, we're the same. Every day we're shocked to find out that we are the same person. And every day we just get like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit. You know what's so shocking about it though? Also, hey guys, I'm Andy. Oh, I'm Iana. We're Queens of NC17. But we're basically the same persons. Basically the same as one person doing the whole podcast. Yeah, but yeah. What's so shocking about it is that so many people grow apart over time. Oh, yeah. That's not what we do. We have we've started the same, we've evolved the same. We've gone through huge transformations personally, and then ended up the same. The same better version of ourselves. Or the same mentally ill version of ourselves as well. I said the same thing. I said the same. I just said the same thing. I just said it twice. Yeah. So yeah, it's crazy. I think that it has made it hard for me to have other friendships because our friendship, while it takes work and it takes effort, it doesn't feel hard. Right. And the friend, like the hanging out part is obviously the easiest, best part of our friendship. And so when I have friendships that aren't so effortless, I'm just like, what is wrong? I know. What is going on? Like it's not clicking the way it's supposed to click. When there's like space when we're talking, I'm like, what am I doing wrong? Are we in a fight? Are you mad at me, Loki? Did I say something to offend you? It's the only thing it could be because crazy. Yeah, I know, I know. And then uh, yeah, it is it is funny how when you have something really good, it makes everything else really loud about how less good it is. I'm not talking about my other friends out there. Loud. I was taking uh like my 17th shit today. Congratulations. And I literally had a thought to myself that we have to stop making jokes so loud because like some so uh Brad, our listener from Canada, who always messes up. Oh, Brad from Canada said that maybe we have so much diarrhea because we joke about it all the time. And I was literally reading that email while he was having diarrhea. It's like the time Mike called you. Yes! You scattered him while I was in the bathroom. But I was like, You're always in the messer. I'm always moral of the story, always in the bathroom. It's gotten worse since I've like had anxiety, but honestly, my anxiety is finally coming down, but like the shits just haven't gone away.
SPEAKER_03The shits have not followed suit.
SPEAKER_04So back to Brad's theory that it's just because we've joked about diarrhea so much on this podcast. I I literally had a thought that like we just have to stop joking so loud here. Well, it's we're too powerful. It's very much a chicken in the egg kind of situation because we've always said this we say things and then they happen. Yeah, and sometimes that's awesome, like boys wearing crop tops and boys kissing. Yes. And uh what else do boys do that we commanded? Um shutting up. You know, like those things that we were like predicting a trend. Um but yeah, I think I think especially when we're together. I know that's what I mean. It's only when we're together that I don't know. Do it by yourself. You make- Okay, this is pretty crazy. So my new job, there's a couple people I work with who are pretty chill. Yeah, like two weeks ago, I we were talking about electricity striking someone's house and how it caught fire inside their walls. Uh-huh. And I made a joke about like how that's like the new top thing on my nightmare list, whatever, whatever. And then my boss, just a couple days later, we were all like on a meeting together and lightning struck her house, bitch. While you were on the meeting, yes.
SPEAKER_03It's coming for you.
SPEAKER_04My other boss messaged me and was like, maybe we should joke about other things moving forward. Oh, and I was like, Oh, it's funny if we all got rich. Yeah, she was like, Why didn't we joke about having like prince boyfriends and like you know, all of like winning the lottery? And I was like, next time you're in town, I guess we'll just have to joke about that, not lightning striking your house, because that's fucking crazy. That's wild. Yeah, bitch. That's wild. So even when we're not together, sometimes it happens, but for the most part, when we are together, it is going to happen. But I think again, like if you were having good energy with that group of people, I think that's what it is. It's like it's like static electricity. Yes. It was like the one day we were like, we all went out to lunch and we were just like vibing. We were all joking, and that totally happened. That's wild. You're very powerful. Thank you. So are you, and then when we're together, it's just like I know, but don't cross us. The problem is we misapply it constantly. Like we talk about diarrhea and we alopecia and gaining weight. Yeah, you know, just fun stuff like that. Like little fun things like that. We gotta make more jokes about how rich and strong we are. I know. I want to do pull-ups. I and I girl, I'm gonna go. I don't want to learn, I just want to. I'm working on it. Come to CrossFit with me, baby. No, that will never happen. I love you so very much. You're gonna love it. I simply could not hate anything more. There's nothing about CrossFit that I girl, I'm getting yoked. And I'm so thrilled for you. And also, absolutely fucking not. There's so many kinds of working out I might do. Why not this? You want the list? Like, it's just fast-paced, high-intensity workout for 30 minutes, dude. Okay, so for one, high intensity workouts, I have discovered make me gay. Okay, but it's not like hit. It's not like hit workouts. I'm saying high intensity in the sense that it's like, you know, there's there's like 30, 25 to 30 minutes of just like non-stop working out, but there it's mostly like deadlifts and one group activity. Hate it. Oh my god, you'd be my partner. Every single time. Just so you know, for the city. They would kick me out of classes three classes, bitch. I was not picked as someone's partner for the last three classes. I was alone because no one wanted to be my partner. That's not true. No, that is no, no one just no one wanted to be my partner. No, yeah, they don't know who you are. So all I'm saying is think about that. What do you think? You're not gonna emotionally blackmail me about me being all sad at CrossFit about myself. No, I'll sit outside and wait for you with Taco Bell. I will drive you there, wait outside, and pick you up. It is true, though. It's really sad. And then they kept being like, Do you want to shadow someone? Which basically means like join a team of three. And I'm like, no, I'll just be alone. Like, no one wanna fucking, no one wanna be my partner. I'm not gonna go fucking force myself on a group of two. I'm gonna get these people. Yeah, isn't that mean? It is a little sad. I don't like him saying it out loud. It did hurt my feelings a little bit. And I have nothing else to say for my week except for this.
SPEAKER_03That's rude.
SPEAKER_04They're so gross and I hate them. And he's got stupid socks and I hate them. So she did this 10 years ago when she got into toe socks. And she would fucking put this shit in my face and laugh and laugh and laugh. She thinks it's so funny how gross I think feet are. And she now has these little slutty ass. Fucking, you know what they look like? You know those shits. Let me show you one more time. The shitty free fucking pantyhose socks they used to have at Pele shoes. Do you remember those? I used to steal them. I used to steal them. Freak! Not used ones, dude. Out of the new box, I would say Nourno. Yeah. It was a punishment. I love those. No. I love those. Okay, so uh for anybody who's ever tried on a women's shoe in the early 2000s at a Pele shoe store. You used to, it's like cheap, super thin pantyhome material. Cut the tips off of pantyhomes. It is, it's like they turn pantyhose into tight. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, Andy's wearing those with lace. Okay, so for those of you who want to know what I'm actually wearing, you better post a picture of this shit. Oh my god, no, they're so ugly.
unknownYeah!
SPEAKER_04You can't do that. Also, not for free. No, no, no. You behind a paywall. Yeah. Um, uh it's like those shoes you wear with or the socks you wear with flats. Yes, I'm then on the concept, just wear a sock. No, I don't want the sock showing. Oh, you gotta show off your slutty little ankles. I yeah, it looks ugly as fuck with a sock. And if you don't wear what I'm wearing, these slutty little nylons, I then your fucking feet stinky. Okay, if I've learned anything from pretty girls, it's that they were the ugliest shit, and then it's considered fashion. What if, hear me out, we get you some granny compression socks, but like short ones. Stop brown. No, brown. You want me to be fired? They're gonna fire you for having ugly socks. You just tell them it's fashion, they don't get it. That's how fashion works. I don't want them talking about me. I want to be picked as partners at work. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to not pick. No, I don't like this behavior. This is not who you are. You don't need picked. You lead. You're not, you don't need a partner. I am your partner! That is true. You're my partner. Yeah, I'll come to work with your coat. No, I'll come to work with you too. You shut your mouth on this crossfit. Also, it's not air conditioned in there. It's not. Nope. You're gonna sweat your ass off. No, I am not. Again, I'm in the car with the dogs, air conditioning and Taco Bell. We're good. We're good, and I love you, but give him the two free weeks. We'll talk. We'll talk offline. Never. Never. I can't. I can't. Okay. Um, I Yeah, tell me about your week because that's all I've got. Well, uh, Sam's best friend has decided that we should start doing eliminations from our wedding. I do love this. I think it's kind of fun. I'm wondering if it's too much to first announce a winner and then immediately winner of the wedding. A winner of the golden ticket to the wedding. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I say, actually, eliminations. Yeah. We've recounted the votes, you are uninvited. Yeah. And we'll do it weekly? One a week? One a week, I would say. I would start. Do you have Facebook still? Yeah. That's crazy. I know. Like you could start with saying, like, thanks everyone for coming to this week's elimination. Yeah, we're so glad you're here. We thought about it a lot. This wasn't an easy decision for me. But there's just one thing I have to know. Do you got love for Ray J? Yeah. And then. Do you guys have like a name? Like Sienna? No. We we do Jack and Honey is our couple name. Hack. Hawk. Hawk's good. Hawk. But it doesn't sound like either of our names. Honey and Jack. Oh, okay. I see what you did there. I thought you were still on Sam and Yana. No, after you told me I had to switch it up. I see, I see. Well, no, see, I think they don't need shortened because they're already. Well, I'm just trying to think of a way to make a catchphrase like, Do you got love for Ray J, right? Or like Johnny? Johnny. Janny. Janny. Because Jack, J A. We shouldn't do it. Johnny anyway. Yeah. It doesn't matter. I'm just trying to think of some sort of tagline to say, like, um what was Brett Mike's? Rock my world. Uh oh. That's true. Can you rock my world? You can't rock our world. You're uninvited to your wedding. Yeah. You're fired. You're fired from the wedding and no one likes you. Yeah. Don't come go by yourself. Are you gonna give reasons why? Are you gonna bring them up to the front and explain? Three three things I don't like about them. Three things I think they could work on. Yeah, yeah. Uh I I got this idea recently from the internet and I was gonna use it, and then another big Instagram account used it, so I couldn't, but I I think I told you this. Despite the despite the obvious, what's one thing you'd change about yourself? I don't know. Okay, so P answer? No. People who have introspection and like the ability to look at themselves. Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm assuming you're talking about my socks. Right. Uh so most people, when they have a soul, they stop and they think and they go, oh, okay, the obvious. People who have big egos get really mad. Oh, really? Yeah, because when you say despite the obvious, the implication is obviously something wrong with that. Yeah, which I've come to peace with ages ago. This is my point. We're so comfortable with being essentially bad things with a couple highlights. Right, right. We're so used to living in that space that uh we could I could go on forever. How should I order them? Alphabetical, biggest to smallest. Like, what how do you want to do this? But uh, I just think that kind of approach could be pretty funny. And maybe I asked them that question before, yeah, regardless of what they say, they're out. Could you tag three people and say you three are up for elimination? Yes, yes, yes. Basically, lip sync for your life in the comments. Ooh, you know what I mean? Like despite the obvious, what's your despite the obvious and then answer in below, and we'll see. We'll we'll bite based on likes, we'll see who doesn't get eliminated. Oh, it's a popularity comment depending on what they say. Interesting. All right, well, uh stay tuned, everybody. Facebook reality TV. You may get invited and uninvited to my wedding just for just cuz. Put me in one of those. I don't have a Facebook. I'll bring it back just so you can put me in one of those. We know I'm not gonna get eliminated. It's one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know I won't. There's always a sure thing. You have to have a sure thing in the case. And the winner always has to be in the bottom once. Oh, at least once, sometimes multiple times to really make you sweat. You know what I mean? I'm assuming I'm the winner. Obviously. Uh despite the obvious. Despite the obvious. I think it all makes total sense. And anybody who has differing opinions can fuck off. Right. The other thing we found out is that rumors circulating around the city that we know who Butt Boy is. There, okay, you guys might not have realized this, but there is a butt boy in Pittsburgh. Things have been going missing. Small things, but generally like Pittsburgh-specific things. Right. It's and they started small anyway. They've kind of gotten a little bit bigger. Parking chairs. Right. I'm worried about Kennywood. You know what I mean? Like, good thing those coasters are bolted down. Yeah. Because they're just disappearing. And I heard, again, on the internet, which is where I get most of my reliable news, um, it might be my ex. We'll get back to you, but we did hear, we saw it not only on the internet, but on my Reddit app. There was like if there's like a Pittsburgh-based Reddit app, it's a there's like a thread called Butt Boy Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh Butt Boy. And I see a lot of people naming one of your exes as the Butt Boy. But I would like to say, much like the wedding eliminations, um, give us your suggestions publicly. Tell us online who you think the Pittsburgh Butt Boy is. Right. And despite the obvious, despite the obvious. It's not us. It's us. Nailed it. Fuck yeah, you would think we write this shit, guys. We literally are barely getting through the day. Nail. It's amazing. This is my happy, safe place. I also think part of like what contributed to my like not feeling good was we weren't recording. I know what I mean. I know, but again, it's like a double-edged sword and we have to take the time to fucking rest your brain. It's true. Because I would have never been able to edit and stuff. I never feel an expectation to be on here. I never feel like it's performance. I never feel like I have to do a thing. But if we are in a bad energy, like if our shit is fucked up, if either of us is going through it, we sit down and we're like, this isn't gonna be fun. Right. It's because if it's not fun, it's not funny. If it's not fun for us to do, it's not gonna be fun to listen to. Exactly. So, and we're not listening anyway. So why we're all wasting our time here. No, and I do have to show you this is really funny. So after fucking like 10 years of editing this fucking podcast, I've realized I can speed up the audio when I edit it. Bitch, when I say we sound like chipmunks, it's so much funnier. I feel like I have listened to it in like high speed before to try and get to a certain spot in the show to catch something. I'm gonna have you listen. It like me and Andrew were both in tears, and he was like, You should just upload it like this. It's so much funnier, and it is. That's me. It's a lot funnier though. Guess who's up for elimination this week? Just saying. I can't eliminate my man! I can put him up for elimination. You shouldn't put him up. Also, when you start this, are you gonna start with 15 people? Like tag 15 people and say, You're all part of my reality show. Okay, okay. One of you will win the rights to come to my wedding, the rest of you are gonna be eliminated based on how you act in the next coming weeks. So you're like putting them on notice. I love that. And then each week you draw a bottom three. I I mean, it makes total sense. I think it's the most logical way to move forward. Like each day you can tag them in a poll to see how they answer things or like give them a fake scenario, see what they would do for you. Like dates. I really can't see this going wrong. Wait, I do have gossip, but I have to I have to. This is more Pittsburgh specific. So I have been blessed with access to a Are We Dating the Same Guy Facebook group.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_04I have done no evil in this group. I have absolutely kept my hands clean. I don't say nothing to nobody, I don't like nothing. Like I'm a passive observer, okay? If you see my man on there. Of course, bitch! You think the first thing I did when I got the invite was not run every motherfucker's name that I know through that mic. Oh. If that ever fucking happens. Talk about electricity hitting the hass. I swear on my life. No, no, no. Okay. He's not in no way. That's not the point. The point is I have been shocked at how few people I know have been in there. Yeah. Um, but recently someone who I had in many years ago worked with ended up in there. And then I also heard the story from another direction. And one of my favorite details of this story, so it's normal scumbag behavior, right? He had been in a long-term relationship with somebody, they thought it was very serious, it ended, he was emotionally unavailable, like, whatever, whatever. That's not the T. But apparently, all the new girls he has been dating since the end of that relationship, he's giving them the same line of like a commitment, monogamy. Maybe it's not explicit, but it's implied. It's very much like you are a priority in my life, yada yada yada. And he's had one toothbrush for all the girls and told them that it's their toothbrush. No. Is that they've all been sharing the same toothbrush at his house? It's their own. Have you ever? Can you believe I don't know what that is? Whatever, it doesn't matter. That is so disgusting. My balls off, and you were wearing two. I've been like, Andrew, are we sweating? I'm like, where is the blanket? Yeah. So I don't know what that's like. I'm having very different experiences in my life for the last week. Or is my hormones regulating? I don't know what that's. That's true, that's true. I'm on a lot of stuff going on for me. Um, but yeah, dude. And to top it all off, I was leaving the grocery store today. And as I was pulling out, he was pulling in. And do you know what I was buying at the grocery store? Toothbrushes. Toothbrushes. Stop. Swear to fucking god had a six pack in my bag and I was like- Did you say hi to him? We were driving, so we weren't interacting, but I was like so tempted to pull back in, pull up next to him and be like, You need one. That is so funny. But I didn't. I didn't. Anyway, if you have access to your local are we dating the same guy, Facebook group, 10 out of 10 recommend. Get on the ear. It is some drama. There's generally some good rules of behavior. My big thing is like when you're scrolling through, a lot of times they won't put the person's name, they'll just do initials or they'll put their dating profile picture. Okay, I was gonna say they'll put their dating photo. Yeah, but I can't tell you, maybe I'm just an angry person, but every time I see one and it's like any red flags on this guy, I'm like, that fucking picture. That fucking picture is a red flag. That one's a concern. Why are we having a conversation? Saw one today. This is truly like this is where I scroll now, is I just go, it's funnier and it's vocal. I feel like I might run in with one of these guys and be like, I know about your dirty dick. Yeah. Um, or butt boy. Right, or butt boy. I'm sure he's on there too. Your dirty butt boy. I'm sure he's on there. He ain't mind. Um we don't claim him. No, no, no. Uh, but uh, ooh, ooh, guy today, a lady said, Any any notes on this gentleman, I'm actively pregnant with his baby. And in the comments, I just happened to open it up because that was the first time I'd seen one like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_04In the comments, one of the girls was like, How far along are you? And she was like, Why? And she was like, Because I'm also pregnant with his baby. He's about to have two babies within five months of each other, and neither of them knew about each other. And they found out on that Facebook group. Saving lives out there, man. The way I would go to jail. Yeah. Let me see if I can invite you. No, do you have to have a Facebook? You have to have a Facebook. It's worth having one just for this. I have one more note about this gentleman. And then we I know we have to talk about these two. Um this guy, another line that he's known for using, is that condoms are just like so uncomfortable for him, and he like can't wear them because they're so uncomfortable. So much. That he's had to have custom condoms made. Custom condoms made. Girl! Suck my ass. That's not a real thing. This was some shit in the 90s, boys would say, when condoms first came out.
SPEAKER_03This was some shit boys would be like, oh, I just can't, I can't, it's I can't feel anything. It doesn't feel good.
SPEAKER_04I can't wear a condom. That like, yeah. We fell for that when we were 12. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. We're 40 now, baby. 40. Custom condoms. Fuck out of here. The fuck out of here. And girls, bring your own toothbrush. Let's bring your own toothbrush. Trust no condoms. Yes. And watch him put it on. Yeah. And watch him take it off. Exactly. Say, I'll take that with me. Yeah, I would. It's my condom. I'm taking it home. It's my custom made condom. I brought it with me. I got a custom made. Bring it, take it. Also, I have a weird way to introduce this movie. Are you ready? I'm so ready. The sun'll come out.
SPEAKER_00Where are you going? We've got to return some video games.
SPEAKER_04Tamara. That's good. Is that how you were remembering how to pronounce her name? But I think they call it Tamra. But they do call her Tamra. We called it Tamara. Because on the last episode, you thought I called the movie Tamorrow. Oh, that's exactly what happened. I remember now. Betcher bottom dollar. That Tamara. That's good. I I had to write it at the top. Tamra. Tamra. And we said we don't know how it's pronounced. We'll find out. We don't care. We say what we want. We'll call it whatever the fuck we want. We all know that. I'm also just gonna go off the bat. Sorry about this movie. Uh it's not as great as I thought it was gonna be. I was pretty low on the expectation um measuring, but I liked her. She was married to Channing Tatum. Weird. I didn't mean I liked her like as an actor, maybe. I meant more like I liked her character. Her character was pretty chill. It's pretty good, and she was written pretty strong for 2005. Yes. So this is called Tamara, Tamara, 2005, Tubi. Written by Jeremy Red Dick and direct Yeah, girl. No spell. R-E-D-D-I-C-K Red Dick. Jeremy Red Dick. Ooh, baby. I hope that's a family name. I am. Or is it like Jeremy Redick? Reddick? Redick. Ooh, Redick. I don't know. That's what I'm gonna do. Redick. It's like remix, but all the different ways you heard it in your head. So funny. They're all bad. They're all bad. And then we also have um Jeremy Haight. Um, so this movie 2005, they're calling it a horror thriller, which I think is generous. That is generous. Um, but it's about Tamara Riley, an outcast high school student who dabbles in witchcraft and harbors an obsession with her English teacher. I love that. True. That's true. And I did like that we went from our witchcraft story last week to our witch. So I I do fuck with the vibe. Yeah. And again, 2005 we knew it was a gamble. Yeah, we did. We knew it was a gamble. I feel like I've just seen this everywhere. Like I've seen it on every streaming service. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I've I always thought it was gonna be like a carry for whatever reason. And I thought it was gonna be a Jennifer's body. So I just like never watched it. But I feel like, I mean, it's not rated well or anything, but I just feel like I've seen this since I've worked in movie stores. Like it's just been around. Because of your experience working in like a a secondhand movie store, I feel like you've seen a lot more than most people you're maybe. I feel like we've had 30 copies of this come through. And Mosley's like, how many people owned this? Too many. 30 too many. It's some titties in it. There are a couple titties. And I think that that is generally how you know something's gonna make a good impression. That is true. And why somebody would want a copy. I guess. So this shit starts off with some witchy ass stuff happening right off the bat. She got big dagger, big old dagger. And here, okay, where do these book of shadows hide? I have never seen one of these in the wild. Ever. Yeah. Do they are they handed down by person to person? Are they just of myth? Because I feel like I think they're for this kind is for Hollywood. This kind is made. I want one like that. I want one like charmed. You know what I mean? Like this old, ancient. Well, we gotta start it. I mean, it has to start with one generation. Bitch, are you saying you want to scrapbook a grimoire with me?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. We need a hobby. We really don't have another thing to spend money on. Uh-uh. Think about how many tiny things we can buy to put in it. That is true. Okay, I'm in. You have to do all the writing, though. My handwriting is a true thing. You have to do the stickers. Okay, great. I'll age the pages. Yes, the yes, please. And it's like the 90s and 2000s had like the best books of shadows and movies. Very much. And they like the because we were so fresh off satanic panic, I think like the witchcraft and satanic imagery was like on point. It was on point in like the 90s, 2000s witch aesthetic. Yeah. Like the suns and the moons and the flow. Like I love it, man. I loved it. All the fucking the bright blue, the cobalt blue with the gold. Yes, bitch. The practical magic of it all. Do you know what I mean? I mean, bring it back back in the day. We're never gonna talk about this movie, but that's okay. That's not the point. That's not the point of this movie podcasting podcast. No, it's not. The point is we do whatever the fuck we do whatever the fuck we want. This is the one place where we don't have to do what other people tell us to do. There was a glowing candle store kiosk in the middle of the mall. I don't know if you remember this or if this had gone out of vogue by the time you were mall-aged, but it was like a very big trend in the 90s. Essentially, it was like a double-walled candle. So the outside of the candle is like very intricate, very ornate, um, made out of wax, colored wax, but it something about the way it was constructed, the inner part of the candle would burn down and then it would like project. Oh my god, I remember what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01Yes, my aunt had some.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, they were probably from the 90s. Like from when you were really young. I had six of them. People, that was like the gift people would get me, and they were all variations of that sun, moon, stars situation. Yeah, where are they today? Bring them back. Let's get a kiosk in the mall. Bitch, can you imagine me? We'd be so uninterested in people. We'd sell nothing. Yeah, but that's the experience. Yeah, how do we make money off of that? I don't know. We gotta figure it out. Okay, okay, okay. So Tamara has a dream, right? That she's like click clacking in some heels. She walks in her English class. I wanna. She looks so hot. She does look really hot. I love that she hands him some book. We don't know what it is, and she goes, It's a first edition. Oh, it's a it's a magic book or like a spell book or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's like, it's a first edition, and the teacher's like, I'm gonna bang you on this desk. He's like, I just fucking nut it in my pants, but I'll nut in yours too. Yeah, and he like throws her down and she's like, uh yeah. And then she wakes up and she's ugly as fuck. Well, first thing is she this is like a high school nightmare naked at school kind of dream. She starts it really in control, really powerful. But then all the kids are in the hall laughing. Yeah, and then when she wakes up ugly, we all understand that this could never happen. A handsome, dreamy teacher would never love a stupid baby girl like her. And not with her frizzy hair and her buck teeth and her brown sweater and her molesty dad. She literally just described me, except for the dad. I'm sitting here in a brown sweater. I'm literally sitting here, bitch, them sock with bug teeth. In a fucking blue. The only thing you have that I said was a brown sweater. Nothing. They're not buck teeth. I have teeth. I've bucked cherry. You wish I was talking about you. I was I was talking about very specific. No, it was just a brown sweater. Yeah, my frizzy brown hair. Your hair is not frizzy, it's the exact opposite of frizzy. It's slicked back like an oil sheet, bitch. I've been greasy lately. Oh my god, take a compliment. Thank you. Okay. Um, so yeah, she like wakes up in class, which really sucks. So she had this wet dream around everybody. What? Which really sucks. Yeah, that does. No, it does. It's a perfect summary. It's absolutely terrible. So she likes what else is like really cringy about this, though, is like I love tomorrow, but like she wakes up, she feels uncomfortable, her pussy is soaking wet. Of course. She's ugly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She clutches her little, like, her little witch book. Oh, her journey into witchcraft. Girl. I know. Why are you bringing that to school? You're too ugly and nerdy. You can't do this. And bitch, you don't got friends. No friends. You need big friends. Yes. You need violent friends. You need uh the friends who run the school. Exactly. You can't be bringing that shit. But do you also have your journal on you? I know. Oh my god. Like you're ugly. What are you asking for? You're literally asking for it. I hate to say it, but it's trick. It's almost like somebody wrote her as a victim. I know. So of course she fucking drops it. You know what I mean? And there are two 35-year-old men sitting behind her, happy to pick it up and check it and mock her publicly. And then the teacher who she had the sex dream about, like, comes up, takes the book, gives it back, and is like whipping so ugly and nerdy, and you won't have to worry about this anymore. Yeah, it's like if you could just make them want to fuck you, they wouldn't blow spitballs in your hair during class. No, it's terrible. She really needs to work on herself to make herself more appealing to men. Obviously. It's just so clear that this is her fault. So she's like super smart. And what this is like such a this ends, I almost didn't even want to take this note. What about the locker room? Stupid. Well, she wrote an article about like Roid use in the high school. But but what I got from it is she wrote it as an English paper, not as an article. And her teacher who she wants to marry encouraged her to submit it to the school or he submitted it. No. I thought he submitted it on her behalf. I don't think so. That's not the way I read it anyway. Okay. But like he at least was like, you should do this. Sure. Maybe he submitted it for her. But either way, like the Royd use and Tiny Balls sweeping the school has got all the jocks and their girlfriends curious. Yes. And if it wasn't such a big fucking top, like it's just so it's just so weird. It's okay. Like, how would she know about the Royd use and teeny balls? And why is like investigative reporting your primary I don't know? It just it doesn't add all it doesn't fit. It feels like they had to give it something powerful enough that this group of people would be so aggressively hating. Hating her, not just passively. Right. Yeah. So guess what? The 35-year-old giants behind her in class play football and they're fucking pissed. They're really fucking pissed. As are their ladies. So now we're in the locker room, which is where we get some action. We do get a couple tots, huh? Yeah. That's the only reason we have this scene because literally nothing else happens other than she meets a new character named Chloe. Chloe sticks up for her. Chloe sticks up for her. Because we also have Keisha. Keisha. She's like mean popular girl short hair, which is crazy. So pretty. She's beautiful, but usually popular girls at this time didn't have short hair. It's true, it's true. It's a big plot twist. Keisha's mean is cat pissed. Yeah. Chloe tries to stick up for our girl tomorrow a little bit. Yeah, she's like, she's just not that bad if you get to know her. And I was like, but we're not gonna do any backstory, like y'all didn't go to middle school together. Like they give us too much plot, but also they don't work it out enough. And it's like, then don't just move back. Yeah, we get it. We know what this is about. It's so weird. So the jocks come after her when she leaves the locker room and she runs to the hot teacher for safety. What she does that's unfortunate is she misunderstands this situation because he's what he says is, baby girl, yeah, one day you're gonna find your place in the world. Like one day, all the puzzle pieces will fit. Yeah, and this will be behind you. High school doesn't matter. And she like reads that as him being like, We should fuck right now on my dad. Together, he she said, You ain't gonna say no, you eyes like until you wanna fuck. And she leans in. But you guys, she did that with her ugliness. Yeah, she did not put her fuck skirt on, she did not put her cum belt on. No, she didn't or her fuck me pumps. Right. Forgot him. She forgot him. She's brown sweater buck. She molesty dad having she buck tooth first. She entered with her teeth. She's got fine teeth. Her teeth are fine. She's fine. You guys obviously she married Channing Tatum. Yeah, she's gorgeous. She's fucking pretty. They're doing that classic thing. Right. Does she have glasses? Of course she has glasses, probably. I can't remember most likely. But that's how you make it known that a girl is annoyingly smart and not fuckable. I guess we should have done that at the top. We're not actually calling her ugly. She's very clearly not fucking ugly, but like they're just messing her hair up and giving her glasses and being like most painful, like eh, ugly girl. It's like she's all that. It's like she's all that all over again. So boring. Um, so the two jocks that are like the main guys terrible are Patrick and Sean. Correct. Sean Patrick. Sean Patrick. That's how I remembered. And Keisha, she's dating Sean. Yes. So they all meet up and they're like, we gotta teach tomorrow a lesson.
SPEAKER_03I can't believe she would write that article. Coach is so mad, we're all gonna get totally suspended and benched from football forever.
SPEAKER_04And now my scholarship's gonna get pulled because we gotta get drug tested and blue blue blue. Hot teacher is also married, by the way. Her name's Allison. Um, she finna push his seat out soon. Yeah, and she's a guidance counselor. That was a gross sentence. That was well delivered. Well delivered. Yeah. Um, yeah, she's a guidance counselor at the school, also. So he immediately goes to Allison and he's like, ugh, poor. He's like actually reasonably cool about this. He's like, poor thing. I think she has a crush on me. She misread like my comforting her, which me as Allison, I'm like, oh, did she? Oh, did she? She misread what was your hand on her butt when she was reading it. We need to reenact this.
SPEAKER_03Show me exactly what happens.
SPEAKER_04Also, I forgot to mention what fucking Keisha saw that interaction. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She seen it from the hallway, so she's like, I got this. She saw her get rejected as fuck, dude. And I gotta say, well played, Keisha. Because this was exactly the right move. Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, no, it's important. It's important, and it's it's very important. But Alan gets to our next moment. Not mad enough. No, she's way chill about it. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna keep an eye on that. Yes, you do. So that night, uh, our homegirl gets home. Yeah, her dad is at home. She is a home girl. She is at home now. She is a home girl. She was a schoolgirl, and now she's a home girl. I'm gonna have to start doing that to you. Like, I'll be like, hey, I'm a work girl right now, but yeah. Later on, when I'm a homegirl, do you want to come over? Yes, and I can't wait for us to play this out in front of other people so they can watch us be insane together.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, this is funny because you guys come here on purpose to listen to this and you know, but you have to imagine how insufferable we are in public. I know. Especially when we're with people, it's like they're not even there. No, they're never there.
SPEAKER_04I feel bad for our boyfriends when we're all together, too. But they have each other. Yeah, that's true. It's fine. Um, so the next day or that night, whatever. Yeah, hot teacher Bill calls Tam. Yeah. Tam Tam. After she has like a really creepy, shitty interaction with her dad, they just want us to know her daddy touch her. Yeah, he's like, yeah, he's really gross. And he's like an alcoholic and but also, what kind of repair shop does he have? It's Riley. He's a it's like a TV VCR. A VCR repair shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they make it so like seedy and underbelly and there's shit everywhere. And I was like, okay. Like he's an electrician. Yeah, it's whatever. Weird choice of career. Um, and yeah, A V equipment. Yeah, that's a hot teacher Bill calls. So we think. So we think. He calls Tamara and he says, Listen, I've been thinking about that interaction we've had. And uh, wait, I want you. But before that, she does some magic. Oh yeah, it's pretty important. Yeah, let's do that. So she has this interaction where it's their dad where he makes fun of her for her bullshit ass magic, right? He's like, that's not gonna save you. You're wearing brown. Yeah. You know, like he's like, there's no hope for you. You don't even own any pink sparkly belts. Like, so she goes upstairs and she's like, I'll show him. And she does a very robust love spell. That is true. Except she can't fucking cut her own hand. She's gonna and you need blood to enact it. You have to. Yeah. So she, like you said, it's very dramatic, it's very thorough, except she doesn't completely follow through with it. But she's not surprised when she gets a call from Hot Teacher Bill. She was like, damn, that was fast. She was like, What am I, Andy Aniana? Yeah, what crazy. So he says, I've been thinking about you. I love you. Will you meet me at the motel tonight in room 39? But she's so ugly. Yeah, and it's crazy that she hasn't had her sexy makeover yet and that she would think that he would actually call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, it's Sean, you guys. It's just Sean, it's not the teacher, but he does a really good Mr. Bill voice. I mean, I guess over the phone, I don't know, man. I am not believing this. Also, as I would never come on. You just tried to kiss him and he shot you down. Now, in fairness, it wasn't school. That was bold on your behalf. Yes, it was. That is not where teachers fuck students generally. You gotta go outside to the woods behind the bleachers. I get it. Yeah, yeah. It does make sense, but I do feel like you would have one clue before this that this was going down. Come on. Like, again, knowing that you're like being bullied by everybody. You know what I mean? And that wrote that article. Okay. I wouldn't be doing this. We're very suspicious of everyone's intentions, so it just couldn't be us. I know, it could never. So Sean, Patrick, and Keisha corner this like nerd kid named Roger. Right. And they say, We need your AV equipment in the room next door. They have room 38. They want to set it up in room 39. They're they're giving him some half-assed line, we're throwing a party and we want you to be there. Yeah. Yeah. And we need you to set this up. And then also Chloe, the girl who stood up for Tamara, and her boyfriend Jesse, who's like new in town, they show up to the party too. So again, this, like you said, it's unclear that like, is Chloe friends with Tamara? Why would she be hanging out with these people if so? So it feels like they're not. It just feels like she's a sympathetic to ugly girl type of girl. She used to have brown hair. Yeah, she used to have before she wearing a brown sweater. Yeah. So she's like, I've been there, girl, and then I got contact lenses. Dailies. Yeah. And uh yeah, you two could be better and more fuckable if only you were like me. So Tamara shows up to room 39, all pretty, you guys. She does. She looks really great. Yeah, she brushed her hair. She brushed her hair and put on a little bit of a soft lip. Yeah. A little, a little lip smacker lip tube jelly heel. Yeah. And the shower's running when she gets there, and there's like a note on the bed with flowers that basically says, like, get undressed and get in bed. I'll be with you in a moment, Bill, your hot teacher. Yeah. Love your hot teacher. Love your hot teacher. Everyone is watching in the next room on the TV. Now, the way that Patrick and Sean have sold this to the group, because they're not here for the downfall of tomorrow. Correct. Is that we hired a sex worker for entertainment. Correct. And we're gonna watch it from here. This is a big plot for some big dumb Roid boys. Honestly. Roid boys. Roid boys! Roid boy! Got a new cat call for wrestling! I love that. That one's coming out. That's when I'm a wrestling girl. Yeah, when you're a wrestling girl. Yes. Yeah. Works in every setting. It really does. Because think about like when we go out to eat, we're restaurant girls. Restaurant girls. We're gas station girls. We're gutter girls. We're gutter girls. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's watching in that room, but only Patrick and Keisha know what's about to happen. Correct. The Tam plan. The Tam plan. Operation Tam Plan. So she gets undressed, dude. Like the note says too, and she's in her underwear. Thank God she doesn't take that off. Thank God. And whenever the door opens to the bathroom, bada bing, bada boom, it's not your hot teacher, Bill. It's a gaping open-mouthed adult man who is definitely the same age as your teacher Bill. Yeah, definitely. It's Sean. Yeah, it's Sean. It's Sean's gross ass. He flips the fucking lights on, tears the covers off of her, and just starts verbally ripping her apart. Yeah, this is a lot. Yeah, he's like, you're ugly. No one would want to be with you. Why would you even think that you had a fucking chance? Like, he's just going off on her. So she starts to run. She runs out of her hotel room. Chloe runs out of the one next to it and is screaming, like, Oh my god, Tamara, are you okay? I feel like Chloe made it sound like she didn't understand that they were in the room next door. She was just like, Where is she? Like she was like, I want to help her. Yeah. She runs outside, they're clearly right next to each other. Now tomorrow's experiencing this. She's part of the bullying group, of course. Yeah, so Tamara, but you know what I was shocked by? Tomorrow is betrayed, which to be expected. I couldn't believe that she attacks Chloe. Yeah. That's bold. You know what I mean? Like, doesn't even give Chloe a minute to explain what's happened because Chloe's always had her back up until that point. Well, today. Yeah. We don't know what we've seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So she starts like whooping on her and Jesse. And Jesse's new here. Well, you hang with the wrong crowd, you get your ass beat by a witch. True. They end by an ugly witch. Yes. What could be more embarrassing than that? By an ugly witch. No. No. So whenever like Tamara is, she ends up pushing her. Into that room. Right. That they're partying. Because she didn't know they were right next door either. And she didn't know it was on camera. Yes. She thought this was just a regular humiliation. Now she's understanding what's going on. Sean is behind them with a VC VHS camera. So like he took the camera out of that room and has been recording this whole thing. Right. So when she goes in there and she's attacking Jesse and Chloe, Keisha, Sean, and Patrick grab Tamara, throw her off of them. Yeah. She hits her head on a table, like you always do. Like you do. Real hard and dies. Yeah, she's dead. On the spot. Now, this whole thing is captured on the VHS. Which is a bad look for them because that's called evidence. Yeah. But they're all rich, white, and athletes. Well, they're not all white. They're not all white. But mostly. Yeah. Enough of them that they should be fine. Right. Well, those ones will be. Right. Exactly. Anyone who's not. Keisha will take the fall. Yeah. Yeah. So they've killed her, and that's a surprise that I wasn't expecting this early in the film. I know me too. You might think it's late in the film as it's 50 minutes into this podcast. Yeah, we haven't even gotten to the good stuff. Hasn't even started. This is gonna be a long episode. So Sean convinces everyone, slash, blackmails them into secrecy immediately. And they bury her in the woods. Yeah. Right? There's no other option. We have to do this. It's fucking tense at school the next day. Like they're all looking at the seat that should be hers in the class where she had her horny dream. Brother, I'm not going to school the next day if I said something weird in the hallway. Yeah. You know what I mean? If we just collectively buried a body after accidentally murdering her after a big thing. No, but you have to go to school. You have to because the first thing they're gonna do is say who didn't go to school that day. Nobody's looking for her weird brown ass. When they do. They're not. They're like brown sweater, no. Brown sweater, brown hair, brown eyes, don't care. Who cares? Nowhere don't care. Nowhere don't care. She's in the brown dirt now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, where she belongs.
SPEAKER_04No. No! Well, they're in the middle of this class, all stressed, sweating, sweating, meat sweats, murder sweats. Murder sweats. And then fucking Tam Tam. Clip clop, clip, clop. She's wearing her fucking fuck me pumps. Fuck me pumps. Walks into class and she's not just alive, you guys, she's fucking not ugly. Yeah. She is. Nothing could be more of a comeback. Not only is she not dead, she's hot. She's hot and she's even more important. Yep, she's not shy anymore either. No, because when you're hot, everything's easy. Yeah. If if Hollywood has taught me anything, I know. You just gotta get hot. You gotta. You just gotta get hot and get wanted, and then everything falls into blame. Exactly. This is gonna go great for her. Nothing bad happens for the rest of the movie. No way. So the five killers minus Roger meet up and they start freaking out because she's fucking hot. They're not even working. They don't even care that she said they're like, never mind the rising from the dead thing. Did you guys see how smoke and hot she was? And Patrick, to his stupid defense, he's like, dude, she that witchcraft shit? What just happened? A bug or my hair. Who's to say? Who's to say? Did you see a bug? No, I didn't see it. Must have been my hair. Don't worry, everything's fine. I thought my ex-boyfriend came and conked you. Could have been his little wing and touched me in the forehead with his wing and felt like a lid. Felt like a fly. That definitely could have been his dick. Ew. I know, you're welcome. So um the they're freaking out, and Roger, who is all alone, he has no idea that she's not dead. Correct. He's in his little nerd room. His A V booth. Yeah. When suddenly the VCR starts playing the tape from last night of her like dying over and over. That is a bad look. And also, it's is this being broadcast across all the school TVs just in this room? Yeah, but it's like 15 TVs. Sure. So it's a lot for him. He's freaking out. He's pulling the tapes out and he's tearing them up, but they're not stopping. So like clearly supernatural. Supernatural. So Tam Tam pops up and says, like, oh, you're not like you weren't expecting to see me. Oh, you don't want to tape now. Now you don't want to have VHS of what he's done to me. Also, like, do you want to know what it feels like to be buried alive? So she uses some witchcraft on him, and this is actually kind of cool. This scene is pretty cool. Most of the effects in this are actually pretty good. Shocking, his are like the best. His are the best. She likes forces like dirt starts coming out of his throat. He's choking, there's bugs under his skin. Like it, the skin like rips open and all the bugs are coming out. It's like really good. It's really cool. Yeah. And the others go back to class, they're done freaking out about how hot she is now. Yeah. When this is when Roger he does a live TikTok. Ah, that's right. That's right. He does a live journal. And he reads a script that she is writing in real time as she's leaving the room, but speaking through his body. Yeah, she's clomping sexily down the hall. So hot. Wording what he's saying. So like she's clearly puppeteering him, which is again like so fucking cool. It's the coolest kind of magic. It's exactly what every formerly uh fuzzy haired girl. Yeah. Newly hot, fuzzy haired formerly fuzzy would love to do. Would love to be able to make. And honestly, not him. I know Roger was, but she don't know. She I know from her perspective, they were all involved. He brought the camera. But you know what though? She's gonna have a lot of knowledge of things that she shouldn't. Yeah. Which makes me feel like if she has access to information like this, you know what I mean? Like, wouldn't she know? Because poor Roger was like forced into doing it. Can I throw in my two cents? She's dead. Yeah, she don't give a fuck. She don't fuck. She's not. Yeah, she tried and fuck Bill. That's about it. Yeah, that's true. Revenge, Bill fucking. Like, she's a corpse. She don't really care. You're a hundred percent correct. So while the others are in class, the TV turns on, like you said, Roger's kind of giving this speech when suddenly he's like, hear no evil. Yeah, he does hear no evil and he takes a carpet knife and cuts off his ear. Yep. And then everybody is a little surprised. Everyone is screaming. Yeah. He says, speak no evil, cuts out his own tongue, and then see no evil. And at this point, uh, one of the teachers, I think it's Bill, comes running in, like, stop him. He's trying to get into the room to stop him, but it's all locked and closed by magic. And Roger stabs himself in the eyes and falls over dead on camera. Sick. And then I loved that later on, Sean's like, Roger took the easy way out. And I'm like, bitch, girl, what was easy? Girl, about fucking any of that, actually. He actually did the opposite. Yeah. He actually publicly executed himself slowly. Slowly. He took the hardest way out that I've seen. And he used a breakaway carpet knife. Gem shits are sharp, but not that sharp. Not sharp enough. So fuck fuck off, Sean. Sean is an idiot. Clearly. So Tam then walks up to them as they're talking about this and is like, lol, you guys are gonna see what's fucking coming to you. She was like, Oh, you thought that was good? Yeah. Hold on to your butts. Yeah. Because the Pittsburgh butt boy is on the loose. Coming all of these coming to your house. All of you are gonna get it. Yeah. Watch out. Bye. And then she clip clops away. And then Patrick is like, I'm gonna say it one more time. It's witchcraft. And Sean's like, shut up, you fucking idiot. He was like, How else could she get hot? There's no other way that she could be this hot. I don't understand what you're not understanding. No, seriously, that has to be magic. Patrick is stressed, dude. So the five of them go to the grave site where they buried her. And what they find is like the spell that she did on Beal. Yeah. Teacher Hot Teacher Bill, and it's covered in blood. So what they what happened here was like, remember how she was doing that spell? Right. And she didn't cut her hand because she was afraid. Well, she must have had that spell in her pocket. She brought it with her. When she was dying, she bled on that and had locked in this like love binding spell. It was a binding, a love-binding spell. Correct. So that's how I didn't know that would rise you from the dead. I didn't know that was necromancy, but good to know. Good to know. Good to know. For the book of shadows, we're gonna be. Seems a little easier. Our book of shadows is gonna be a hoot. Yeah, it is. Really funny. It's gonna be so fun. So Hot Teacher Bill returns home and he's just like sitting on the couch having a fucking gin and tonic when Tam Tam breaks and enters. Do you find his hair weird? His hair I hate it a lot about him. Okay. Do you feel like he's maybe thinning and they've done a blowout to try and make it look fuller? Yes. Okay. That makes way more sense. Now I feel bad about that. No, it's okay. It's not your fault. You don't control his hair loss. That's true. Um, also, it just reads a little Playmobil plastic clip on hair. Yes, it does. Okay. I just want to make sure I feel like he's young and handsome, but his hair leaves questions. Yeah, it's not good. Okay. You know what I mean? Just checking. So she walks in and she's being like crazy sexual with him. Yeah. And she like threatens his penis. Which we love that. Not from like a child and a teacher, right? But like just a confident, newly sexy way. Sexual threat to a dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like a threat of violence, it's just like a threat that like It's a promise. It's a it's more like a promise. And then she like chugs his gin and tonic and fucking leaves. And I was like, Hell yeah. Hell yeah. She literally breaks and entered into his house to threaten his dick. And then she was like, Is your wife here? Oh, shucks. Can you leave her a message for me? Tell her I need to talk to her. Yeah, tell her I stopped in your house, drank your booze, threatened your dick, and I'll be coming for her next. And she does, dude. Tam goes straight to see Allison the next morning. I thought she was bullshit, and I didn't think she had anything to say to her. Same. She goes straight in there to visit Allison and is like, Allison is like, hey, how are you feeling about watching that live TikTok yesterday? Right.
SPEAKER_03We're all a little fucked up about it.
SPEAKER_04And she's like, you know what? Honestly, like, it's not as bad as some other things that could be happening in life, like getting older, being undesirable, um, being infertile. Yeah, being barren seems like a real burden, and it's like just very sad because Bill is so, so dreamy, except for that hair. And I feel like um it's sad that you can't bear his children. Right. And you'll never bear his fucking children. And guess what? I will. This time, Allison runs straight to Bill and is like, How the fuck did she know this? And again, correct. Correct, because how the fuck? How the fuck? And just so you guys know, it's like, whatever. She totally gives Allison her period like the next day. Yeah. So like Alison is not going to bear her cat. She took the baby. She took the baby. So then Bill runs into Tam Tam and he's furious, dude. And he's like, What the fuck did you say to my wife? How did you know? First of all, trying to make out with me at school was a crazy choice, but I let it pass and I ran your savior this whole time. But now you're talking crazy to my wife. Girl, you got me fucked up. We got a problem. So that night, you guys, Patrick is having this huge house party. This house is insane. It looks like the house room she's all bad. I can't tell. It they're just only one house for high school house parties in Hollywood, and they just rent it out to everyone. I swear, it is like a massive house. It's gigantic. It's really crazy. But he's being really creepy and weird with like all the girls, like trying to get them drunk and like diddle them. Like, oh, that seems so unlike his personality that they've shown us thus far. Yeah. So surprised about this update. Now this feels a little lazy. Tam walks in and he's like, hell no. He like goes walking over. And the second she comes up to him, she like touches his face and he like becomes entranced. Like now she he's like this zombie of witchcraft. Right. So the puppeteering thing, apparently, we're led to believe at this moment, is just a touch. All she has to do is touch their face, and then she has total control. And it's kind of funny because when she touches their face, she sees the events that happened that night and the part they played in it, which is also why I was really shocked she killed Roger. It's true. And it's kind of quick. Yeah, it is kind of quick, but yeah, she and also what a weird, unnecessary plot point. Yeah. Why would she now have the access to whatever? Whatever. But then Sean comes running over and because Tamara takes Patrick to the dance floor. Yeah. And Sean's like, what the fuck? She said, We're popping tops. Yeah, we're popping tops, popping bottles. Sean runs over to shut it down. She touches his little ugly face. Mew. Mew. Now both of them are grinding on her. And Keisha's like, Keisha's now, what the fuck? Yeah. Awesome. I do love this for her. She makes him, she makes them sandwich her. Yeah. And it's hot. Then she says, You guys want to go upstairs to the bedroom? This is my favorite part of the whole baby bed. Do it. Like, yeah, of course. You're hot now. Yeah. They go up and she's like, okay, you guys want to bang? Kiss each other. And they do. Again, 2005. This was very adventurous. This was not, I mean, we were still yelling that boys should be kissing each other more for our entertainment. Yes. But wasn't seeing a lot of that in media, especially not a horror movie where generally the whole point is to show tits. Absolutely. Yo, it's incredible. Full-on making out, and she's like, which one? She says which one wants to bottom. She literally said, I was like, 2005, I did not even know that term. For real? Truly, I did not know that term. No, I don't think I did. I was thrilled. I couldn't believe it. I was like, what is happening? And I love it so much. I'm obsessed with this. So then Keisha, after like 15 minutes, is like, where are they? Where have they gone? She goes up. The bed is writhing. It is humping. You can hear the humping and the bumping. You can hear the slapping of wet skin on wet skin. Whoa. And Keisha's like, what the fuck? She thinks Tamara's under there, dude. That's a reasonable assumption based on what she saw on the dance floor. She throws that sheep back. We get to see some butt fucking. These are butt boys. These are true butt boys. And I want to say it, but it looks very natural for them. If they fall into it very easily, so I loved it. Maybe she glamoured them with her touch. Maybe they just were looking for an excuse. Maybe it gave them the confidence they needed to just make this work. Do we? Idea. Fun girls' night idea. Yeah. Do we go out to a social setting, touch boys' faces, and say it's okay. You can fuck now. We'll be social girls. Yes, we'll be party girls, bar girls. Bar girls. Witch girls. Yeah. And we'll you touch one, I'll touch the other, and we'll say each other. I would love that. I wonder how many times it would work. I think we could it will depend on the setting, but I think we could get this at least three times. I was gonna say two to three times. Yeah, two to three times in one night. Yes. One room. I agree. Grand scheme, I think we could get this number pretty high. I do. I do. I agree with you. I have full confidence in us. Okay. Well, now we have a new thing to do when we go out. Yes, after the scrapbooks. Well, that's for stay-home nights. Okay, that's home girl shit. That's home girl shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about bar girl shit and social girl shit. Witchcraft shit. Right, okay, we we'll do that. Okay. So we actually don't get to see butt sex, though they're really just making out. So I wanted that to be way more enhanced. It definitely, they're humping. Yeah, they're humping. They're humping big time. Love that for that. Yeah, Keisha does not like it. She runs up to uh Tamara, who's in the bathroom, and is like, what have you done to them? Make it stop. But Keisha's a little gay too.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Well because then she touched Tamara touches Keisha's face and suddenly, like, you know, Tamara's behind her and like taking her clothes off, and Keisha looks really into it. And again, I was like, I am loving this. Yeah, this was the best part of the whole movie. Yeah. For sure. The whole scene. Now, in fairness, it's not cool to make people horny for you against no way. True, true, true. But we're talking about in the context of like a fun horror movie, alright, guys? We know it's not real. Everybody seems pretty horny. Yeah. And I'm horny because they're horny. I'm horny because they're horny. I like when you're horny, it makes me horny. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like this is like friends. Absolutely. Just like horny friends. But then she's like, oh, does Sean know how much you throw up and like don't eat? Yeah. All the things you do to be hot for him. And then she's like, go basically purge. She yeah, she says, get it out of you. Like stay skinny for him. So she like gets on the floor, starts puking up like what looks like water at first or like yellowy stuff. Which makes sense. Then it's like chunks of blood and inside. It's her gut. She's like puking to death. Yes. It's very cool. And then with like the snap of a finger, that's gone. And she says, Aren't you hungry, babe? Go just go stuff yourself. Go eat. Stuff yourself. You deserve it. So then Keisha goes blasting past Jesse and Chloe. Can't even give them the time of day and is just eating everything in sight downstairs. I did like this from a revenge plot. Sure. I liked it a lot. Made the boys kiss, made Keisha get felled up, bingey, and puke. Yeah, loving it. Pretty good. Um, so Chloe and Jesse are like, look, it's time we tell teacher Bill everything because I feel like this all has to do with him, he's gotta be our Obi-Wan. Yes. And Bill doesn't believe them yet, like about the death that she had and coming back to life and the witchcraft theory. I think if I, as a teacher, who's just been uh propositioned by my student two times in a row, also we've all witnessed a murder on screen, right? And everybody's like, no, but she's dead. I might have some questions. I might too, yeah, because he's just sort of like, you guys, she's just hot now. Yeah, like get over it. She was always hot, and I knew that. I could see that in her. I read her writing and could tell that she was capable of a ponytail. But clearly, you childs who are six months younger than me could not see the vision. Exactly. So they what happens is, and I'm not sure if Bill is with them for this, but Chloe and Jesse, maybe Bill, go back to Tamara's house. They do, they take him to her house, they find the dad dead. The dad she forced to eat a bunch of glass. It was cool. She made him eat his beer bottles, and so he's like in the kitchen, in the fridge, still trying to eat more beer bottles. Glass sticking out of his throat in his mouth is pretty great. It's a cool idea for a kill. Yeah. And they get the page of the Book of Shadows that they found at her gravesite and they put it back in the book where it just seals itself a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girl, you're home now. You are a homegirl. Yeah, you are a homegrown now. Um, when they seal it up, that's when they can read that she's like able to control people by the touch, that she is bound to bill, and they all realize in that moment Allison is in some serious danger. Yeah. She also can feel that at home. Yeah, she knows, she can tell. Sean and Patrick get inside the house, they've got knives. There's like this big old Chasey Chase. This is at Allison's house. So they are doing uh Tam's bidding, and they are threatening and chasing and trying to kill Allison, Mrs. Natoli. Um, Alison Natoly doesn't fucking play. No, absolutely not. I never thought she did. You know. She um I think she screwdrivers Patrick's throat and then impales Sean with like a nice it's fucking awesome. It's actually fucking awesome, but it was so funny because she kills them and then the cops show up. Like the second she has murdered both teenage boys, the cops walk in the door. Both 35-year-old teenage boys. So funny. It's great. So at the house, um Tam, she goes to Allison's house to retrieve the boys, finds out they're dead. She touches the cops to find out which hospital Allison has been taken to. So Tam shows up at the hospital at the exact same time, pretty much, as like Bill, Allison, and Jesse. Crazy timing. She's so kiss-mit. Meanwhile, like you guys, Keisha is going after them. Like, Keisha's going after Jesse and Chloe too, because she's again just this like zombie zombie killer. Yeah. Yeah. She's doing whatever she has her do. Jesse is stabbed a fuck ton. Like a fuck ton. Keisha stabs the fuck out of him, and then it's so silly because like Chloe just like drags him around like they're not already in an emergency room. We could just like we could get help. Get a medical attention or like get a gurney or like a wheelchair. Wheelchair. She's just dragging him through the halls, not calling for help. All the girls in this movie are independent. They don't need nobody. No doctor. No doctor. I don't care if I'm in a hospital. I will carry this man. Okay? That's my way around. So silly. So like she gets him no help and he just like dies there. And then Chloe ends up obtaining an axe from like the fire extinguisher area. Yeah, she tried to deep fry him too. There's a deep fry. Oh, yeah, she did. They're in like a kitchen. That's what happened. They're in a kitchen. That's what it was. I forgot about it. But you're right. There was like almost a deep fryer. There was almost like a handful of ways that they all could have died. Um, and then Allison and Bill run up to the roof together. Tamara follows them, right? She gets them cornered on the edge, and she's basically like, Look, you're never gonna fucking have him. You might as well just give him to me when whoopsh, an axe hits Tamara straight in the back of the skull. Got her. Chloe got her pretty good. Um, except for like she totally heals. Yeah, which no one was expecting. Just like the book. Yeah. Just like the page in the book. Just seals herself right back up. That does make defeating her feel a little more challenging. Yeah. Yeah. Tamara turns around to touch Chloe to like get her under her control. But what she ends up realizing is that Chloe was a real one. She was. That Chloe was fighting for her that night, that Chloe didn't want to bury her, Chloe wanted to go to the cops, Chloe had no idea it was gonna happen. Whatever, whatever. Tam says, and I oop.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04She feels like she suddenly starts like decaying and looking ugly because she's realizing that she has turned into a monster. Correct. So like she starts kind of decomposing in front of everybody. Right. She's brown again. Yes. Yeah. Her hair's frizzy. Her hair is frizzy. She's ugly again. Her sweater is back. And then she turns to Bill and basically says, as long as you live, we're going to be bound to each other. Like, even if I'm feeling bad about myself and I get a little bit ugly, I'm not going anywhere. And you're the love of my life. So we're gonna live together forever. That's exactly what you want to hear as his wife. Yes. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, poor Allison standing there. And she just got her fucking period. No. We'll talk about a bad day. Losing her baby, losing her husband. I just meant the period in general. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what does Bill do? He throws his body into Tammy's and takes them both off the roof. The roof did not look big enough, tall enough to kill them. I didn't think we were that high, but that makes sense. That makes sense. They go down, they splat, they're squashed together, and Allison's left standing there looking at her dead husband and his ex-girlfriend. I don't know. She's still like, but how did she know? How did she know? Like, if I'm Allison, they were fucking. Like, I know there was some witchcraft that I seen. Also, you're telling me first of all, you're telling me she's coming for you this hard, you never let her on. You never touched her. You never flirted with her. Secondly, you knew you were gonna grab her and kill yourself to save you, but you couldn't even say goodbye. Not even a I love you. Right, not even a love you. You just wanted to go to eternity. This is for you because I want to give you peace. Wow. Wow. Wow. Guess who's never getting over that? I was gonna say, I will be in therapy for the rest of my life. Yeah, I'm not doing well after this. Ever. You never get over this. So in a very imperfect movie, this is one I would love to see done with real writing and real money. Yeah. Because there's a lot about it that's good. The kills are really clever. They're actually very clever. For 2005, it was a lot of the same. And especially when you start to see the like hot girl makeover shit, you're like, oh my god, I know what's happening. But it takes some turns that are unexpected. It's surprisingly funny. It is funny. And I love a witch movie like this. I love a witch. I love that she wins. Yeah. She fucking won. Sherry. That would be together forever in the afterlife if you believe in such a thing. And if not, everybody's dead. Allison doesn't have them. Lol. Lol. The only people who aren't dead is Allison and Chloe. Maybe they'll get together. Maybe they'll get I love that. I love that for them. Again, not no teachers and students. Right. Bad, bad, bad. Yeah. But in maybe in a couple years. Right, in a few years. Yeah. They can find each other again. Yeah, yeah. All right, everybody. That was it. Yeah. Goodbye. No? We will hopefully see you over. Would you like to pick a movie? It's your turn. And we'll hopefully see you over Queen's Reality TV, right? It's getting good. We're down to five. Six. Six six. We'll be down to five girls at the end of tonight. Unless they keep off on themselves. No, seriously. Not, they're not. They're not killers. They're leading the show. Kill their own. And they're eliminated themselves. Sorry. I gotta be careful with my words. Okay. Like at which we Mickey? Mikey. Mikey? Mikey.
SPEAKER_03Mikey 1992.
SPEAKER_04Oh goodness. On Tubi. Another Andy pick. Oh god, Mikey. Alright. This looks like it's made for TV. So great.
SPEAKER_03At least it's 1999.
SPEAKER_04It's rated R, it says. Great. Okay. All right, motherfuckers. Mikey 1992 on Tubi. This is an Andy pick. We're gonna see where it takes us. We'll see everybody, so watch it with us if you want, or just listen to us talk about next week. It's just as good. We will see you then, hopefully. Hopefully, we'll see you when we see you. Stay tuned. Stay nasty.
